Ah Help!

“Ah help! I can’t do this!”

This seems to be a common phrase to make an appearance in my complicated thought processes!  I constantly seem to find myself in situations where I feel completely out of my depth!

But why?

Sometimes I just think I have a real talent for sniffing out trouble and landing myself in the middle of it. Other times I wonder if I just don’t have what it takes to do what other people can do. Mostly I put it down to a lack of skill and intelligence.

Growing up, I was always quiet and shy. Very rarely did I speak up, and standing out from the crowd was a real fear of mine! In every sense of the word I was born to be a ‘follower’.

Not at any point did I entertain any ideas of grandure! The word ‘leader’ would bring me out in a cold sweat and no one would dream of imposing it on me as it was clear to everyone, me and leadership just didn’t go together…. And I was totally fine with that!

it wasn’t a lack of I drive or ambition, I had plenty of that, it just wasn’t for me so what was the point in being where my strengths were not called upon..

Until now…

There seems to be a person fighting their way out of me that I didn’t even know was there! She even had the audacity to show up when I didn’t want her to and without any formal introduction!

So now I am left trying to reconcile these two polar opposites (any tips on that would be gratefully received!)

On a daily basis, I am arguing with myself and trying to figure out how leadership can fit within my personality type because it really isn’t obvious to me…. Is it just me?

In a recent deep thinking moment (there are lots) I had a thought… What if feeling unqualified and unprepared isn’t a bad thing? What if it was a tangible sign of how far we are pushing ourselves? What if we could stop fighting and hiding these thoughts and see them as a positive instead?

If thoughts of being out of my depth, faking it and unqualified are frequent, should I see that as an inadequacy or should I celebrate the fact it most probably means I am pushing myself beyond what is comfortable?

Correct me if I’m wrong, but I don’t think there has ever been any incredible achievements accomplished from the comfort of a familiar worn out arm chair….

I think I will stick with some mild panicked moments rather than settle down with a book of how other people made it!